Reincarnation’s a Bitch: Gaddafi Comes Back as a Giant Nad Tumor
By Rivka Glattman-Enriquez
Ontario, Canada (AP) – In a story that went viral in near-record time, doctors at Queen’s University hospital in Kingston, Ontario, found what appeared to be a man’s face in an ultrasound image of a testicular tumor. First reported in The Toronto Star, and then picked up by The Huffington Post, the ghoulish image, which appears to be of a man’s anguished face, spread across the Internet with lightning speed.
The outpouring of curiosity prompted doctors at the hospital to reexamine the image. “We were getting a lot of flack from people who thought the image wasn’t real, that it was Photoshopped, that the whole thing was some kind of in-joke among the staff,” Dr. Gordy MacThompson told the AP. “So we went back to have another look at the original ultrasound, to make sure it was genuine.”
“I decided to run it through software that we use to clean up these kinds of images, for those times when we really need to see more detail before an operation,” said Dr. Kevin MacKinney, who runs the imaging division of the university’s radiology department. “We cleaned the image up, defined it a bit. And were we ever in for the shock of a lifetime!”
It turns out that the more detailed image clearly shows that the tumor is the former dictator of Libya, Colonel Muammar Gaddafi.
“Yep, he’s come back as a nut tumor, and he doesn’t look terribly pleased about it,” said Dr. Scott MacCohen, the university’s chief administrator. “When we saw the image, we didn’t know what to do. You’re never really prepared for reincarnated tumors. Our first thought was to call the provisional government in Tripoli, to see if they wanted it, perhaps to put on trial for war crimes. But then we thought The Hague would be a better location. Plus, the man in whose sack Gaddafi now resides preferred to go to the Netherlands.”
As word spread of the dictators reemergence, Gaddafi’s daughter, in exile in Algeria, demanded that the university allow her nad-father to join her at the new family residence. This prompted Algerian President Abdelaziz Bouteflika to summon Canada’s Ambassador to Algeria, Salaam MacMohammed, to inform him that the Gaddafi-bollock would not be welcomed in his country, for fear of the destabilizing effect it might have on internal politics.
For now, the tumor continues to reside with its owner in Kitchener, Ontario.
The AP spoke with the leader of Canada’s Hindu community, Rama-Sri MacKrishna, who explained that it is not uncommon for people who have committed great sin in their lives to return in unsavory forms. “Earlier this year, I had a woman come to me with a rat that she believed was the reincarnation of Osama bin Laden,” MacKrishna told the AP. “But it turned out it was just an abnormally ugly and hairy rat.”
Does Gaddafi have any hope of returning as something better than a ball tumor next time?
“We do believe that one can repair past bad karma by doing acts of good and kindness in the present life,” MacKrishna replied. “But I must confess, I’m not sure how much good one can accomplish trapped in some guy’s junk. Gaddafi might just have to ride this one out, and hope that next time he comes back as something a little more autonomous.”