George Lucas to Retroactively Add New Wife to Old Wedding Films, Photos

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(AP) – 24 hours after announcing his impending nuptials to investment firm president and DreamWorks Animation chairwoman Mellody Hobson, filmmaker George Lucas held a press conference in Marin County, where he told reporters that the wedding and honeymoon would be “taken care of in post.”

“I live by one rule, which has guided me through most of my adult life: if the technology’s there, use it. People often create a false conflict between technology and substance. To me, technology IS substance, and always will be,” Lucas told the assembled reporters.

“I’ve been married once before, for fourteen very happy years. Wonderful wedding pictures, wedding films, and memories that can’t be replaced. But they can be retroactively altered by current technology.”

Lucas said he plans to digitally replace his first wife, film editor Marcia Lou Griffin, with his soon-to-be bride, in all photographic and filmed materials from his first marriage. “Initially, Mellody told me she wanted a big wedding and a lavish honeymoon. I respect her views, of course, but I reminded her that the technology exists to do that in post. So I will be digitally replacing Marcia with Mellody in the film of my first wedding, and the home movies I took on our honeymoon. And in all of my wedding albums.”

When a reporter asked Lucas how his wife-to-be felt about that plan, he replied, “Well, at first she was disappointed, but then she sighed and reminded herself that she’s engaged to George Lucas, so what else did she expect?”

“Plus, I told her that beyond digitally inserting her into the honeymoon films, I could also completely change the setting to be anywhere she wanted the honeymoon to be. Paris? The Caribbean? Endor? The choice is hers. I can even make the footage IMAX 3D.”

Mindful that his decision might spark negative press, Lucas sought to address that issue. “This is not about cost. Not even slightly. The cost of having a wedding with all of our friends and family, followed by a honeymoon trip to a tropical island, pales in comparison to what needs to be spent to digitally restore these old films and photos, and then recreate them to include my vision of a perfect wedding and honeymoon with Mellody. As a man who has always judged the worth of something by how much money is spent and how much technology is used, I assured Mellody that what I’m planning to do is far more significant than a wedding ceremony and beach vacation.”

The AP contacted Lucas’ first wife Marcia for her opinion on the upcoming digital re-release of her wedding and honeymoon films. “It’s very much what I expect from George,” she said. “I recall, on our wedding night, he…how can I put this…‘shot first,’ and fast. When I told him I wasn’t entirely pleased with that ending, he assured me that it could be fixed in post. And about a week later, I received a ‘re-visualized’ film of our wedding night in which he lasted longer than 30 seconds. He called it the ‘extended edition.’ Was it satisfying? Well, about as satisfying as the Star Wars prequels, I suppose.”

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