Advice to Rachel Dolezal from an “Outed” Conservative

[This op-ed was originally published in Communities Digital News, the former online op-ed arm of The Washington Times, on June 18th, 2015. It was redacted the same day. Please go here to read the full story of why it was banned] There is very little I can relate to regarding Rachel Dolezal. Her gender, her […]

Dept. of Defense “Training” Video: Man-on-Man Groping!

Find David Cole at Taki’s Magazine!

The Night the Anarcho-Libertarians Called the Cops

Saturday Musings: Skeptics, Censorship, and Pig Noses

“Spicy ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch, Spicy ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch”

In 1989, when I decided to go public with my views on the flaws in the “standard” version of Holocaust history,

Oprah, the Old White Lady, and the Elevator (a TOTALLY True Story)

* I know this story is completely true because it happened to my cousin. She’s an elderly woman who is the last person in the world to ever tell a lie, so I can personally vouch for this story’s authenticity. My cousin and another elderly friend, a woman of 85 years of age, were in […]

So, You’ve Decided to Join a Lynch Mob

“Gang of Eight” Immigration Bill: Newest Outrage

* (AP) – If familiarity breeds contempt, the more familiar the American people become with the so-called “Gang of Eight” immigration bill, the more contemptible it seems. The latest outrage is a provision, secreted away on page 1,233 of the bill, which would provide free milkshake lessons at the yard to illegal aliens. “It’s one […]

Grieving Celebrities Struggle to Find Replacement Dictator

* (AP) – The formal announcement by the Venezuelan government that Hugo Chavez has died sent shockwaves through the ranks of the Hollywood elite, who had long been the Venezuelan leader’s staunchest supporters. Throughout the day, celebrities struggled to cope with the devastating loss. “Sean is devastated, completely inconsolable,” Sean Penn’s publicist Amy Glattensturmer told […]

My Letter to Convicted WTC Bomber Ramzi Yousef

* Dear Mr. Yousef, I hope this letter finds you well (arguably, this is the least-sincere opening sentence I’ve ever written). Having just read the text of the federal lawsuit you filed arguing for your release from solitary confinement in the “Supermax” penitentiary, I thought I’d correspond. And, as your boredom at Supermax is part […]

Looking to Sci-Fi Films for a Solution in Afghanistan

Let’s face it – when it comes to Afghanistan, we’re screwed. There’s no happy ending, no solution in sight. If we leave, the Taliban and al-Qaeda will simply repopulate the areas we chased them out of, and we’ll be back to square one. If we stay, we’ll keep losing American lives as we continue the […]

Suspended Anti-Obama Football Coach Gives Very “PC” Pre-Game Speech (audio)

* (AP) – In a story that has gone viral over the Internet, Lauderdale High School head coach Bob Grisham was suspended after one of his players surreptitiously taped a locker-room rant in which the Alabama coach ripped Michelle Obama and the Obama Administration, and made some very politically incorrect remarks about gays. Here’s a […]

“Environmental Scientists” Find Common Ground with Creationists Regarding Humans and Dinosaurs

* (AP) – It was as odd a gathering as it was unexpected. Several hundred scientists, representing over two-dozen of North America’s most respected universities and institutes, holding a weeklong seminar with “creationists” who reject evolution and modern theories about the age of the earth. And they had gathered not to debate, but to promote […]

“Little People” Protest Peter Dinklage’s Anti-Gun PSA

(AP) – “I used to get tossed all the time,” Jerry Bunden says as he stares pensively out the window of his apartment. “I never felt safe. Weekends were the worst. Late at night, people get drunk, they want to toss a dwarf. It got to the point that I’d never go out on a […]

George Lucas to Retroactively Add New Wife to Old Wedding Films, Photos

* (AP) – 24 hours after announcing his impending nuptials to investment firm president and DreamWorks Animation chairwoman Mellody Hobson, filmmaker George Lucas held a press conference in Marin County, where he told reporters that the wedding and honeymoon would be “taken care of in post.” “I live by one rule, which has guided me […]

How Jessica Biel’s Ass Stole Christmas (a true story)

Ah, Christmas…what wonders it brings to mind. Happy children, Santa Claus, trees strung with lights, and Jessica Biel’s ass. The latter might be unique to me. Yet I shall forever associate the Yuletide season with the rump of a very young Ms. Biel. The year was 1998, and my girlfriend Sarah May – oh, Sarah, […]

Bob Costas Calls for Ban on Acquaintances

(AP) – Following widespread reports that the gunman in the Oregon mall shooting used a rifle that authorities claim was “stolen from an acquaintance,” sportscaster Bob Costas has publicly called for a ban on acquaintances. “If the killer had not had any acquaintances, his victims would still be alive,” Costas told reporters at a Los […]

Kruiser, Rosie, and Tipjar (my VERY personal election 2012 story)