How Joe Biden Might Rephrase Famous Debate Quotes

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Ah, the excitement is in the air for the first vice-presidential debate, as one of the smartest members of Congress goes up against the man who makes Democrats sweat every time he starts to open his mouth. Even the most secular of Democrats will usually offer up a small prayer to God when Joe’s about to speak…“Please Lord, let him not say anything TOO embarrassing.”

With that in mind, we at the RPA thought it might be interesting to speculate about how Biden would rephrase famous quotes from past presidential and vice-presidential debates. How would those quotes fare if given that special touch that only Joe can provide? Here are ten examples:

1)  “I know George Kennedy. George Kennedy is a friend of mine. Mr. Ryan, you are no George Kennedy. He was great in Cool Hand Luke.”

2)  “There is NO Soviet domination of Easter Island. The giant heads scare ‘em, away.”

3)  “If it looks like a duck, walks like duck, and sounds like a duck, it’s from Aflac. If it looks like a lizard, it’s from Geico.”

4)  “Where’s the beef? Seriously, I’m starving. Can we break for a sandwich?”

5)  “There you go again……..on your own, going down the only road you’ve ever known. Whitesnake RULES, man!”

6)  “And when we put Social Security in the lock box, we’ll make sure the lock is child-proof, so I can’t open it.”

7)  “Who am I? Why am I here? Seriously, is this the line to see Frankenweenie?”

8)  “When I look out at the audience, I see a thousand points of light. Because I spent an hour today staring directly at the sun. They say it’s good for the eyes.”

9)  “Our high noon is in the future. Hey, that’s a neat movie idea: ‘High Noon’ in the future. Maybe on Mars or something, with lasers instead of guns. I’d pay to see that. What was the question?”

10)  “I am paying for this microphone! Because I think it would be a cool thing to own, so that I could drive around with it and call out to girls, ‘Hey good lookin’, I’ll be back to pick you up later.’”

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(We at the RPA are not only political junkies, we’re also eternally trapped in the ‘70s. Which explains the final reference)

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