Oprah, the Old White Lady, and the Elevator (a TOTALLY True Story)

* I know this story is completely true because it happened to my cousin. She’s an elderly woman who is the last person in the world to ever tell a lie, so I can personally vouch for this story’s authenticity. My cousin and another elderly friend, a woman of 85 years of age, were in […]

Grieving Celebrities Struggle to Find Replacement Dictator

* (AP) – The formal announcement by the Venezuelan government that Hugo Chavez has died sent shockwaves through the ranks of the Hollywood elite, who had long been the Venezuelan leader’s staunchest supporters. Throughout the day, celebrities struggled to cope with the devastating loss. “Sean is devastated, completely inconsolable,” Sean Penn’s publicist Amy Glattensturmer told […]

My Letter to Convicted WTC Bomber Ramzi Yousef

* Dear Mr. Yousef, I hope this letter finds you well (arguably, this is the least-sincere opening sentence I’ve ever written). Having just read the text of the federal lawsuit you filed arguing for your release from solitary confinement in the “Supermax” penitentiary, I thought I’d correspond. And, as your boredom at Supermax is part […]

Suspended Anti-Obama Football Coach Gives Very “PC” Pre-Game Speech (audio)

* (AP) – In a story that has gone viral over the Internet, Lauderdale High School head coach Bob Grisham was suspended after one of his players surreptitiously taped a locker-room rant in which the Alabama coach ripped Michelle Obama and the Obama Administration, and made some very politically incorrect remarks about gays. Here’s a […]

“Environmental Scientists” Find Common Ground with Creationists Regarding Humans and Dinosaurs

* (AP) – It was as odd a gathering as it was unexpected. Several hundred scientists, representing over two-dozen of North America’s most respected universities and institutes, holding a weeklong seminar with “creationists” who reject evolution and modern theories about the age of the earth. And they had gathered not to debate, but to promote […]

Post-Election Analysis Shows Obama Campaign Slogan Made Decisive Swing-State Difference

* (AP) – An exhaustive post-election analysis conducted by the Center for Electoral Data Research (CEDR) at Allegheny College’s Budd Dwyer Memorial School of Political Science has determined that a surprising factor made a decisive difference in President Obama’s victory in almost every important swing state – his choice of campaign slogan. “We conducted very […]

Fact-Checkers Slam Romney for Upcoming Debate Performance

Denver, CO (AP) – As the first presidential debate approaches, Politifact.com and WashingtonPost.com have given Mitt Romney ratings of “Pants-on-Fire” and “4 Pinocchios” respectively for his forthcoming performance. “We give Romney’s upcoming debate performance a Pants-on-Fire rating” said Bill Adair of the fact-checking website Politifact.com.  “Romney’s comments at the debate will definitely be an exaggeration […]

Young People Returning Home from Occupy Wall Street Find Struggles, Challenges

By Rivka Solomon Gonzales-Aoki (AP) – Ryan Sulzman walks alone through the woods behind his parents’ home in Binghamton, New York. It’s one of the few things that gives his troubled soul peace these days. “I like hearing the birds sing…and the crickets” he confides. “It takes my mind off the horrors I witnessed. These […]

HuffPost Satire Backfires; Exposes Gullibility of Arianna’s Readers